My Fickle, Fickle Feelings

So it's finally here, that day I've been counting down to. This morning, when I came out of my bedroom to make breakfast I found three of my children already up and dressed for school. That's how excited they were. The smile on my face let them know that I was excited, too.

Later the nerves would set in as we pulled up in front of the school. Paige promptly told me that she had dinosaurs in her stomach. Aiden clung to my side like glue. But Brighton, well he was okay.

They lined up with their teachers, nervously waving shy hellos to their friends and secret goodbyes to me. Aiden cried, and cried. And at first I wanted to dump him into the first grade cold turkey--wave goodbye and walk away. But I couldn't. I waited with him, kissing his cheek and offering him treats if he made it through the day, knowing full well he would.

Then it was time for the flag ceremony and the singing of the school song. Every year I dread the singing of the school song. Every year it makes me cry and I knew this year would be no different.

Majestic birds so full of pride ascend o'er Eagle Bay

With fearless trust we'll swiftly glide, we know we'll find our way.

Within our nest we will do our best and learn to take to flight

On freedom's wing we will soar and sing of the eagle's strength and might.

We'll fly with eagle's wings, we'll soar across the sky

With the glory that it brings we'll keep on flying high.

So when the rain started falling and the principle announced that they'd skip singing the school song and hurry into class I was relieved; I really didn't want to cry.

But then, as I drove away, my children safely tucked into their new classrooms, I realized this would be the last year I'd get to hear them sing that song; next year we're on to a new school. And then I was sad. Sad I didn't get to cry over the singing of the song. And suddenly sad my kids were gone. In school all day. Without me.

I miss them already.

I know, I know. I've been bragging about this day practically all summer. I've been counting down the minutes. But I'm entitled to my fickle feelings--happy, ecstatic, and overjoyed one minute, lonely and sad the next.

And now a new countdown begins. Two more hours until they're home. Nine months until school's out.