Stop This Train

I woke this morning with a John Mayer song running through my head. It's got me thinking all introspectively. Ooh, deep.

Stop this train.

I want to get off and go home again;

I can't take the speed it's moving in.

I know I can't, but honestly won't someone stop this train.

-Two of my nieces are moving on with life; one graduating high school and going off to college, the other, starting a family of her own. How did this happen? Just yesterday they were little girls of four and five. My husband and I, newlyweds at the time, babysat them a few times, occasionally taking them over night or to places like the county fair. We enjoyed our little nieces then, and now.

-I've now been a mother for ten years. Ten years and I still feel like a novice. Does it ever feel normal? Do you ever feel like you've got the hang of this parenting thing? Something tells me no. My children are in a constant state of change, moving and growing at a rate that my parental development really can't keep up with. And before I know it, my children will be moving on with life, too.

-I wonder if this is how my parents feel. I miss my parents. No, they haven't gone on to greener pastures; they're still here, on Earth anyway. They are just too far away from where I am, spread across the country, from California to New York. And I worry that we are missing too much of each other's lives.

-I wonder if I am doing enough to forgive myself and others. Forgiveness is essential for progression, and progression is a must! I dwell too much on the small, seemingly insignificant mistakes I make. Sometimes this stunts my growth, thwarts my efforts to reach my goals.

-Sometimes I find it hard to let go of the past and move on. But move on, I must.

When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining, outside the world was clean and fresh after last night's hard scrubbing. I feel happy inside, but something is bubbling just under the surface. While I don't really want to stop this train, I do want to pause it for a moment. I feel the need to savor things as they are right now. My life is good. And while there are a few (very few) things I would change, I have been blessed--really, truly blessed.