Have You Ever Felt This Way?

Lately, I've been feeling totally inadequate. Now, don't worry, I'm not inviting you to my pity party. I'm merely touching on the subject of self-confidence and the lack there of.

I entered a short-story writing contest. Can't say I've ever done that before. I was nervous to do it, but I understand that if I truly want to write, I have to take chances. I entered my short story, "Ten Lunches."I posted it on my blog and received some pretty flattering comments, so I figured it was worth a shot. (I've done a lot of editing to it since originally posting it on my blog, so if you check it out, forgive me.)

You all know that proof reading is my Achilles heel. I know it, too. So naturally I made sure I proof read it before paying for and e-mailing my contest entry. Unfortunately, my proof-reading skills just aren't adequate.

After the e-mail was successfully sent, the entry fee paid, I noticed that in the story I spelled the word toilet wrong--not once, but twice. Yes, I've done it before. For some reason I spell toilet toilette. Ummm. Uhhhh.

Why, why, why do I do this to myself?!? Of course I'm used to this. I'm used to lying awake in bed at night going over in my mind the words I've written during the day-light hours. And, without a doubt, I discover I've made an error.

So after I submitted the misspelled entry, after I paid (and probably wasted) the entry money, I sat down with my husband to watch "So You Thing You Can Dance". We laughed at the poor dancers who had limited or lacking dance skills. And then the thought struck me: Am I like one of those dancers? With my writing, I mean. Am I throwing my work out there when really it's just not good enough? I've mentioned it before: in college, I studied public health, not English.

I panicked. I fretted. I complained. But I did not cry to my husband that night. I confessed that I was embarrassed and felt inadequate. To my surprise, my wonderful and very supportive husband lifted my chin, looked into my eyes and said, "You've got to start somewhere."

And he's right. I cannot gain confidence without first gaining experience. I will stumble, I will fall, and, yes, I will fail from time to time. I'll even be criticized. But if I don't try, there's simply no chance to win or succeed.

How about you? Have you ever felt this way before?